Relationship advice: 55 Things I wished I knew about guys, girls and relationships then
I am coming towards my fourth year in my love relationship with my girlfriend, and have learnt many things along the way.
And for your information, we broke up.
I had many problems in my teenage years when it comes to girls and relationships, as I didn’t understand them well. It comes in a series of needless arguments, bad experiences, failures and few success.
So here are some things that I wished I knew about love relationship, dating, women and men. If I knew then, it would have made my life so much more different.
I will also put down some stuff that I knew in advance and that helped me in dealing with relationships.
I have listed down different topics from each other to help you to understand what I am going to share and navigate around here. Take it with a pinch of salt if you wish; these are just my personal experiences.
And feel free to comment about them.
On my understanding about girls
by courvuasier
1. Never treat a girl like a guy, even though we say that there should be equality amongst gender.
I made too many girls cry with arguments and earned myself a bad reputation by thinking that male and females are equal. Truth is, we are not equal.
Bringing your ‘equality’ mentality into a love relationship will cause many arguments and strife. Girls need to be treated like flowers; tender care is needed.
2. If you test a girl’s sensitivity by teasing them in their weaknesses, you will get yourself a load of trouble.
This is related to point 1; girls and guys are not equal and aren’t the same. It was not intended that one of my classmates in my school became bulimic because of my teasing of her being fat.
It ain’t funny anymore.
3. Earn a bad reputation with a girl, and every girl in the room will hate you.
Girls spread news really fast, and they are quick to band together.
4. Contrary to their cute and harmless looks, some girls have pride.
So don’t push your luck by making them embarrassed. You may end up like the above point.
5. Contrary to their beautiful looks, some girls still suffer from low self-esteem.
Somehow, beautiful girls can be ostracized and may still lack friends. Many girls are not as confident as they look.
Read: The Myths of Confidence
6. Never share a secret with a girl if you can help it; although they say they will never tell anyone, somehow their best friend will still know.
Really, it destroyed many chances when I was trying to chase a girl’s heart, and I confided in their best friend.
The best friend will still somehow leak the secret, and the girl whom you are chasing will be on guard if she doesn’t have any feelings at that point.
7. Most girls don’t demand that much of understanding; they demand more in terms of care and concern for them.
My girlfriend doesn’t like me to ask the reasons why she is upset; rather she wants me to show that I care for her.
So when a girl trips and falls while walking, never ask, “What happened?”
Rather ask, “Are you feeling alright?”
8. Most girls are usually impressed by a guy’s first impressions. Subsequent impressions from guys lose power afterwards.
When you first meet or present yourself to a new girl, be sure to be at your best, in terms of looks, personality and everything about you.
My current previous girlfriend was impressed by the first impressions of me.
9. There are girls who are so madly in love, that they are blind to see that their relationship is not going to work. Their boyfriend is two-timing her or is physically abusive, and yet the girls still love their boyfriend madly.
In these cases, no amount of counsel from good friends will ever help. These girls will reject the advices and good counsel from well-meaning friends.
It is better to leave them be, and for these girls to suffer a little where they will still look for you as a comfort to them again, than to openly rebuke them, and they will never come back to you even though you are desiring to help.
10. Do not be mistaken, girls can two-time guys as well.
I have friends that suffer this girls who two-time them. Guys are not the only ones that can act foolishly.
11. Girls prefer guys to give them homemade gifts that their boyfriends’ made for them.
Simply because girls are generally more romantic than guys, and prefers your heart of love more than your expensive gifts.
So if you are into expensive gifts, try giving your girlfriend some homemade gifts that you yourself made for a change.
Read: Romantic ideas – Love letters
On my understanding about guys
1. Guys generally do not like to be told what to do.
We prefer to be in control in our own situations. If we are being overwritten by anybody else, we easily feel threatened in our privacy and power.
2. Guys generally desire respect above all else.
That has to do with pride. So please take care of our fragile pride ladies!
3. There are many guys who are easily infatuated with looks.
So if you want to tackle a guy, be presentable at least in your dressing and outlook.
Read: What really attracts a guy to a girl?
4. Many guys give away their emotions when they share many deep conversations with someone.
So if a guy keeps talking to you and shares many conversations with you, they are on a road to liking you.
5. Contrary to popular belief, guys are as emotional as girls, just that we do not show it, even if you try to force it out of us.
Being emotional isn’t about being weak; it’s just about being human.
6. Guys who smoke are not bad influences; guys who are hypocritical are bad influences.
I am against smoking and I do not smoke, but there are guys who smoke that commands alot of respect. Smoking isn’t everything about morals; it’s just a bad addiction that damages health.
They are hardworking and they get their responsibilities done.
Still, don’t smoke please if you can help it.
7. Guys who suffer from low self esteem rarely gets the girls.
Make no bones about it; girls need security and strength from a guy.
Read: The Myths of Confidence
8. Many guys are hot and enthusiastic at the beginning stages of a love relationship, and they tend to grow cold later on.
We are easily infatuated, so we think and believe that we are hopeless in love when our emotions run high.
However, time will tell whether our enthusiasm truly lasts or not.
9. Guys need girls’ comfort, support and help; that’s why they are looking for a relationship. If they are that independent, they might as well be a monk.
Contrary to popular belief, many people seemed to think that girls need a good husband to lean on, and that’s about it.
However guys do need a good wife, not as a baby-producing factory, but they need love, support and comfort just like women, and guys don’t need these things any less than women.
So girls, if you have a boyfriend, help him out by giving him the love and support that he needs, and a good boyfriend will reciprocate your contribution to him back in security and love as well.
On trying to win someone’s love and heart.
by Ko_An
1. In many occasions, those that we like, don’t like us romantically; while those that we don’t like, seem to always go after us.
This is just part and parcel of life. We always prefer someone above ourselves.
2. It is better to keep quiet about it, than to tell anyone about who you like.
Somehow, there are big mouths who spoil everything. I learnt the hard way that there are things to be kept in secret.
3. Total confidence is a myth; the confident ones only look confident; like a swan that looks graceful at the outside, but paddling anxiously beneath the water.
Confidence is not the lack of doubt or low self-esteem, but the mastery of your low self-esteem in spite of your negative feelings.
So even if you have low self-esteem, you still have hope in getting a partner.
Read: The Myths of Confidence
4. People who are truly confident are comfortable with their weaknesses.
My friends who can joke about their weaknesses are the ones that attract girls/guys with their confidence.
5. If you only have charisma, you will still be more attractive than someone who just has looks.
Tested and proven by friends who may not look anywhere near like movie stars, but beautiful girls or guys approach them for a love relationship nevertheless.
Read: What really attracts a guy to a girl?
6. If you want better chances in pursuing someone’s heart, never reveal you like that person till you know you have a very good impression and liking with that person.
Rushing to tell someone you like him or her usually ends up in failure, because once they think they know you and that they do not like you at the moment, they will be very guarded towards you if you try to approach them.
It is better to leave room and openings by remaining silent, and look out for occasions that you can impress them.
7. If you fear embarrassment and the feelings of negativity so much that you refuse to take any action, be prepared to stay single.
Come on, we need to get over our feelings to win.
Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
8. People have the tendency to play detective and try to double guess what their crush is really feeling and thinking about them.
Usually, it is highly inaccurate, and a waste of time.
We sometimes spent too much time thinking of such things, which makes our feelings go up or down with no reason.
However, for many people, this is highly unavoidable; it is just in our human nature to do it.
9. Many of us think we know what we want in a relationship, to find out through a bad experience that we are clueless ourselves.
I have heard girls who say about looking for a potential boyfriend, “when I see it, I’ll know it!”
Yet after getting into another love relationship, they suffer a bad experience and break up, to truly realize that the “seeing” is so limited itself.
Finding out what you really want in a love relationship helps to reduce mistakes made in looking for a life partner.
But then again, who can truly control and guide our emotions and feelings well enough to make fewer mistakes? Just a food for thought…
On dating and love relationships
by Ko_An
1. Dating is always easily misunderstood; it is either taken too seriously or too lightly.
In my opinion, dating is about getting ready and to explore marriage with someone. It is time where you have want to see for yourself whether you can commit to another person with your whole life.
So people who treats dating too seriously, treats dating as if it is already a marriage.
To them, it is wrong or a failure to break up during dating, when actually, if the relationship isn’t working out due to incompatibility, it is a blessing to find out in advance before marriage.
On the other extreme, the flirts and the two-timers treat it so lightly, that they don’t understand human emotions are involved, and when they hurt people unnecessarily, they create scars and cause unnecessary bad reputation to themselves.
2. A love relationship is not established just by feelings and emotions.
I have so many friends that tell me they are not in love anymore because their feelings for that person disappeared.
So they go into and out of relationships like changing clothes.
The fact is, our feelings change by our mood and the happenings during the day, and it is normal not to feel so motivated and high towards our partner at every second.
If you are going to think that your love relationship is purely established by feelings, you will never have a lasting relationship.
3. Whether you like it or not, your love relationship doesn’t just involve you and your partner; both of your families, relatives and friends will be involved.
This is especially dawning on me when I was pondering about the future between my girlfriend and I.
Your love in your partner must stretch and overflow towards their family, relatives and friends as well. Failing to do so will end up in countless of quarrels and much unhappiness.
4. A love relationship isn’t about love itself; our religion, vision, dreams, beliefs, personality, character, money, career, friends, family and many more elements must be considered.
Contrary to popular belief, love relationships isn’t the same as they portray in movies, where our feelings of love can conquer every obstacle that comes.
Young teenage couples do not understand this, and thus they easily break up.
Especially for me, for a guy to want to ask the hand of his girlfriend from her father, you will realize that it is very difficult if you do not seem to have a bright career in the eyes of her family.
Similarly, if you do not share common beliefs or vision in life with your partner, conflicts will lurk and unhappiness will rock your relationship.
5. On a personal opinion, I discourage sex before marriage at any time.
It is not just about morals I am looking at; but the repercussions that can happen when sex before marriage occurs.
I have friends that confide in me, who impregnated their girlfriends by accident, felt so ridiculously guilty and sorry for whatsover they have done, and they cannot simply undo everything by saying sorry.
Worse of all, they cannot bring themselves to tell their parents or to bear that responsibility, lest their parents throw them out of the house.
Abortion is not a perfect answer, as many people suffer from emotional scars that borders along suicidal thoughts.
Many couples who accidentally have a baby out of a wedlock usually do not last in their relationship.
And there are many complications other than pregnancy that sex before marriage can create.
6. If you have to keep checking and keeping tabs about your partner, to prevent your partner from being unfaithful to you, your relationship is just not going to last.
I do not know why, but many guys and girls like to check on their partners to prevent them from becoming unfaithful.
They think by their constant vigilance, it can help to protect their relationship.
If your partner needs to be kept faithful by your vigilance, you can be sure that your relationship is doomed to failure, simply because love without trust and faithfulness just cannot stand.
7. If you are not prepared to sacrifice your freedom for your love, you are not ready for a relationship.
Seriously, when you want to commit your life to someone else, you need to love your partner more than your freedom.
Otherwise you are going to be recognized as a player.
8. If your whole life revolves around your partner, you will feel miserable.
As humans, we fail in expectations and will disappoint others.
So prepare to be disappointed when your life revolves around your partner.
9. It is better to remain single, than to suffer from bad experiences in a love relationship.
I vouch for this at any time!
Too many friends and even myself border along the lines of suicidal thoughts from bad experiences in love relationships.
10. Many people think that they are ready for a love relationship, but they are blind to see that they really aren’t ready at all.
This especially happens to teenage couples often, and when someone just had a recent break up from its previous relationship.
11. In relationship advice, people generally accept advices only when the advices are favorable to them.
That’s our human nature, as we tend let our feelings rule over us and hence we become unteachable.
We believe our emotions and feelings more strongly than a wise advice from an experienced person.
12. People who hold on too tightly in their love relationships and their partners end up losing them altogether.
If you are so afraid to lose someone you love that you will do everything just to keep that someone beside you, you indeed have lost it.
Love is not about keeping pets by trapping the other party.
13. You can’t know someone well by going on dates; you know someone well when pressure comes into your circumstances and relationship.
During dates, we always put our best foot forward.
Hence, nobody knows our weaknesses because we are out to impress.
So after the date we tell our friends how wonderful that person is, but in reality, noone truly knows his real person. And at some occasions, the real person turns out to be a monster.
14. People love to use sincerity to win love and hearts, but that is not sincerity at all.
Instead, sincerity has become a bargaining chip for you to get what you want, like a loan where you expect something back in future or for the present.
You can read about it at: “Relationship Advice: Sincerity to buy love? I don’t think so…”
15. Many of us are hot in the first few months into a love relationship, but will generally grow colder as time goes by.
Let’s face it; we can’t be at our high in every moment.
Our stamina for meeting up everyday with our partners, pleasing each other as much as possible, and trying to create every little gift or occasion to make the love relationship more fruitful will wear out.
It is better to do be consistent, then to be driven up the wall by doing extravagant stuff in a moment of passion.
Cultivating each other’s presence consistently is better than just trying to please other with extravagant dates and gifts.
On break ups and rejections
by mahadewi
1. The most hypocritical sentence to break up with or to reject someone is to say, “I believe you can find a better guy/girl than me.”
And if another person whom they like say similar things to them, they get fuming mad.
What goes around comes around, they say.
2. Most people do not like to be the bad person by initiating a break up if a relationship is not working. They rather want to look victimized.
This is also as hypocritical as the point above, but it is less recognizable in people and situations.
3. Many are not aware that they themselves are the source of their own break ups in their relationships.
I counselled teenagers in relationships and somehow many are blind to their weaknesses, even if they say a whole load of sorries and that they acknowledge their mistakes.
Few truly know themselves well.
4. It is better to break up in dating than to marry someone and regret it for life.
Even if you do believe in divorce, you will still regret it.
Especially if you have children in your marriage. You do not want your children to suffer the same situation.
5. There are people who tell me that they learnt alot from their previous relationships and break ups, only to end up in another relationship and yet in another break up.
Somehow, what we claim doesn’t match up with our experiences.
This happens when some people think they know everything about a relationship by using their logic and brains, and ultimately forget that relationships are alot about emotions and our hearts instead, and we have difficulty controlling our emotions.
6. When a person just went through a break up, what they do not need is more advices to help them out of their situation; what they really need is a good friend that stands by them.
Take note that most people hate to be pitied; they just want the companionship and the silent comfort that they are drawing from you.
On our broken feelings and emotions
by elizz
1. Time doesn’t heal emotional wounds; it merely cause numbness to the wound, but the bitterness is still there.
It is better to admit the pain within than to make ourselves feel hardened.
That’s why people who suffered from bad experiences in relationships often become skeptical about love, trust and sincerity. They want to embrace love, but they are afraid to get hurt again.
2. When we are hurt, we often do extreme things to occupy ourselves, so as to make ourselves feel numb in order to lessen the pain. And that doesn’t work.
We call it the coping mechanism.
Some of us play computer games without stopping; others study incessantly and they score distinctions out of it.
However when you are hurt and are merely using these activities to hide from your pain, it doesn’t solve anything, and that goes even if you are able to score distinctions out of it.
3. Tears is not a sign of weakness; those who can’t cry or cannot reveal their weaknesses to others are the ones that are truly weak.
I am not talking about a cry baby, but to people who think that tears is weak.
Humans are weak and have weaknesses, whether we like it or not. To pretend to be strong by giving a strong front just shows how weak you truly are.
4. You are not the only one who had suicidal thoughts, and that life is not worth living.
Seriously, when I ask heart to heart with most of my friends, majority had their times of suicidal thoughts.
So don’t feel alone; come out and mix around to feel better and to get rid of these ridiculous thoughts.
5. Good friends stick with you through a bad experience.
You need someone’s company, and nobody’s an island.
Feel free to comment on this and to add your thoughts to this list.
Related posts:
- Dating tips and Relationship advice – The Myths of Confidence
- Relationship and love advice: What is the ideal love relationship that you would like to have?
- Relationship advice and Dating tips: Cultivating your boyfriend or girlfriend’s presence
- Relationship Advice: The Bigger Perspective Of Love Relationships
- Relationship Advice: Sincerity to buy love? I don’t think so…
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Here’s one you can consider (and one I feel that has been helping my relationship): Manage expectations of each other well.
Many times each side expects a lot from the other, but they don’t let their other half know. This could be due to conflicting love languages. Communication becomes the key. Your partner may be showing you love in ways that you’re oblivious to.
Eg. Bf always buy gifts (Language of Gifts) for Gf but she expects him to spend more time with her (Language of Time) instead.
Keep up the good work on this site!
-Jeremy’s fren =)
Hey thanks so much for your input. Really appreciated it!