Relationship and love advice: What is the ideal love relationship that you would like to have?

Posted by r2moo2 on Feb 20th, 2010 | 0 comments home title

Relationship and love advice: What is the ideal love relationship that you would like to have?

I seldom like to write very long posts, but this is one of the most important stuff that I have ever written.

This is a crucial question to really ask you and yourself only: what is the ideal love relationship that you would like to have?

You see, most people go by their perception and their feelings to pursue someone they like, and rightly so simply because its natural.

However, in the midst of pursuing someone we like or settling down with a partner, we don’t know what we want for ourselves in a love relationship, and we simply make lots of mistakes with our decisions because we are not guiding our perceptions and feelings to what we really want.

Supposed a girl who decides for herself to find someone who is responsible, charismatic and has a great personality. She thinks for herself that that is her kind of boyfriend that she will look out for.

And finally, she caught the heart of a guy whom she thinks has all the attributes she wants. Sad to say, the guy turns out to be someone who is intolerant and unforgiving with the girl’s weaknesses and mistakes.

Therefore, instead of having the ideal love relationship, she has a miserable time, and the relationship just do not last.

It happens to everyone, including guys, and all the time as well.

Hence for today I would like to walk you through on how you can realize for yourself the ideal love relationship you would like to have, and how it will help you to enjoy love and life.

The problem with the “trial-and-error” approach when you are looking for an ideal partner to spend the rest of your life with…

Before I begin explaining about some common approaches in love relationships, please do not comment to me that there is no such thing as an ideal love relationship, that because we are all human, there will be flaws.

I understand what you are saying, and I am not trying say that a love relationship should have absolutely no flaws.

However, what I am truly saying is that people do not use their perception and feelings well, just simply because they are ignorant of what they really want in a love relationship.

And many people are into the ‘trial-and-error’ approach.

Meaning, they hook up with a partner because they are attracted to some of the qualities that he or she has, and then find out from there whether he or she is going to be the partner for the rest of their lives.

There are multiple problems when we do that, if we fail to settle ourselves down with the person we are dating with:

1. When we break up with our partners, we give ourselves emotional scars that are hard to heal if we are not the ones who initiates the breakup.

That’s because of our commitment, devotion and effort we have put into the love relationship to make it right, and then somehow or rather the other partner feels that you are just not the right person for him.

Isn’t that going to cause great pains that you may have to carry for years?

I have friends that got very disillusioned, upset, angry and their whole personality changed with just a bad breakup.

So if you are at the wrong end of a breakup, it will hurt.

2. If we are the ones initiating a breakup, we feel guilty, no matter how legitimate our reasons are.

And if you do that too often, the next partner, be it your boyfriend or girlfriend, is going to question on your commitment and devotion to love relationships.

You will still have a hard time with yourself and with people you love.

3. Mutual breakups are rare and hard to achieve.

Let’s just face it, having the ‘trial-and-error’ approach and hoping for a mutual breakup is just building castles in the air.

Everyone is going to put their best foot forward when they are interested in you, so you will find them interesting, charismatic, playful, attractive, responsible, and almost every other positive trait you can find to label this person.

However, after knowing this person for a little while, you find that you can’t live with some of the traits your partner is revealing himself or herself to you; be it vulnerabilities and such.

And somehow if he or she is still madly in love with you, no matter how legitimate your reasons are, you are still not going to have a mutual breakup with each other.

Worst of all, he or she may make great efforts to get you back into the relationship once again, because they are hurt and they think that they stand a chance if they try really hard enough.

And you will have trouble finding a solution to deal with their stubborn deposition.

Girls’ favorite phrase,”When I see it, I’ll know it…”

This is how many girls decide for themselves who is their ideal partner in life, a replica of the ‘trial-and-error’ approach.

I was rejected by girls before, and I was trying to justify what makes them so sure of the guy whom they like is their ideal type of partner.

They often say, “When I see it, I’ll know it…”, when girls describe how they look for an ideal partner.

Sad to say, the same girls who said that to me before, ended in a bad breakup, and sometimes this cycle continues.

They were usually fascinated by the guy’s dressing, charisma, personality, and every positive trait that they could find.

However with these many positive trait, somehow the relationship turn sour, and the same girls end up with a bad experience and a breakup.

Somehow, most girls don’t see it afterall, isn’t it?

What I really believe…

I have no solution to effectively erase every mistake that we will make, but I believe that we can significantly reduce our mistakes if we learn to guide our feelings and emotions well.

And hopefully it can make your love relationship even more enduring if you are already in a relationship, or if you are looking for a partner, it will help you make less mistakes.

This post is not for everybody, because not everyone is going to be able to follow through what I am sharing here.

However, to those who are really into making less mistakes and have a more fruitful time dating, this post is really for you.

So, what is the ideal love relationship do most people want?

I am going to use myself as an example, to show you how you can realize for yourself what is the ideal love relationship that you really want.

And as a matter of fact, many people should have similar ideals, simply because our crave for love and satisfaction is somewhat similar for most humans.

Supposed there are no boundaries nor limitations, what is the kind of ideal love relationship do I want? Take note that I am 100% straight.

1. I want someone who depends and needs me, while I can depend on her when we face situations together.

2. I want someone who can accept and love me unconditionally, even in my weaknesses as well. I want someone who I can be vulnerable to, and that partner to be vulnerable to me too.

3. I do need advices and insights from my partner, that can also speak into my life, while I can speak into her life too.

4. When we argue and quarrel, we both know that our love is more important than our pride.

5. We take responsibilty together as a couple in situations rather than as individuals.

6. I want a partner that supports me in my vision of life, and I too want to support her in her vision of life too.

7. I desire my partner to participate in making this love relationship interesting, and not leave me to handle it all alone, while I also attempt to make our love as fun and satisfying as possible.

8. I prefer to clean up the dishes while she cooks.

9. My partner does not need to be ultimately good looking; just somebody who can excite my hormones and that she has an apetite for me too. I too shall attempt to make myself appealing and attractive. (It should work both ways, isn’t it?)

10. I want to have a great sex life with my wife. (This isn’t a blog for kindergarten kids, so I am just bring blatant here.)

11. Our work and passion in life should not conflict with our love, but rather compliment each other.

12. My partner’s family and friends are accepting of me in general, and my family and friends are also accepting of her in general too.

Well, although there are more, but I guess you get the picture.

As you can see, many people share similar ideals with me in a love relationship.

Do take time to find out within yourself what is the ideal kind of love relationship that you really want.

It will really help you to be even more perceptive to your partner tremendously to his or her real needs.

So how does knowing my ideal kind of love relationship help me?

Simple, just take for example the girl who is fascinated by some guy who is has a flair in guitar and can portray himself well in his speech.

Although your feelings and perception are attracted to the guy, and you may really think that having him will make your life and relationship really interesting, yet you have just made a mistake:

Just having a flair in guitar and great conversational skills do not make a love relationship last.

When problems and issues come crashing down on us, that is where these attractive traits that really attracted us are going to take a tremendous test.

And this is not only going to apply to people who are looking for a life partner. Those with existing relationships need to know what is their ideal kind of love relationship as well.

For an example, let’s say you and your boyfriend are arguing over certain matters, that he is not spending enough quality time with you and seems like he is a little cold into the relationship.

You complain to him, ask him to buck up, check his handphone to see if there is any third party coming in-between the both of you.

And you think by doing this, you can solve the problem of your boyfriend being a little cold towards you, and hence you are reaching towards your goal into a loving relationship.

Instead, he yells back at you, he thinks that you are too suspicious, and all the efforts you have made to make the love relationship better turns to dust.

And you become confused, thinking that with all the effort you have put into this relationship, you are getting back nonsense instead.

Then you ask yourself, “does my boyfriend still love me?”

What’s the problem? You effectively thought that by making efforts to erase the problems, it will help you to make the love relationship better.

However, you can’t just reach your ideal state of a love relationship by erasing problems!

You need to know more into the situation to help you progress instead; does your boyfriend need assurances of your love during this point of time? Are you giving him space and time to voice out his heart?

That will fit into the number 2 of my list of an ideal relationship: “I want someone who I can be vulnerable to, and that partner to be vulnerable to me too.”

If you are doing things that are jeopardizing his thoughts of you being an ideal partner, you are going to further strain the relationship instead of saving it.

Spend some time knowing what you really want in a love relationship…

And it will help you in your love relationship in the long run, as you will not be caught unaware with major differences between you and your partner.

Or it will certainly help you if you are looking for a partner, and not be having breakups so easily due to incompatibility.

Whatever the scenario you are in, do take some time to be aware of what you really want, and it will increase chances of your relationship to be even more enduring.

What are your opinions about this?

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